Struggling.

It's been another long day of scarf and barf. My stomach, chest, head, and throat hurts. It only gets worse.

Tomorrow I'm getting my things from J. I'm dreading it. I don't want to see him, I know it will only throw me back into a depression. I might chicken out and tell him I'll stop by on a different day. I don't want to go through this pain anymore. I just want it to go away. I don't want closure, I don't want to acknowledge that it's really over. I just want it all to fade away slowly and as painlessly as possible.

I miss him, and he hates me. How do I deal with that?

x