Monday, August 15, 2011

I want to be free.



The last two days have been pretty normal (for me, at least)- binging and purging, crying and cutting. My weight is at a stand-still right now, which is kind of normal for me. I'll be the same weight for a day or two, and then lose a pound or more. I need to start exercising more, any ideas on a good workout routine?

I'm trying so hard to be released from my emotions. I just hope this passes quickly.

I haven't seen my therapist in two weeks, but I see her Thursday evening. I'm sure have to reschedule all of my appointments hasn't really helped with the whole "getting better" thing. I'm trying to stay positive, trying not to think about things, and trying to find adequate distractions to fill my time with. Anyone have any suggestions? Maybe a good ED book or something?

I've also checked out the residential facilities my therapist suggested for me. Half of me wants to go, but not to "recover", just to have a safe place to be with other people who have the same problems I do. It would be like a break from reality, but I know that's not the right reason to go. I should go to get better, but I just don't know that I'm at that point yet.

J still hasn't called. I'm trying not to think about him. I know he doesn't care, and it kills me that I do. I wish I didn't. I wish I could be as cold as he is.

I hope you're all well. I'll be catching up on all of your blogs today.
x


1 comment:

  1. Really consider treatment. You are unhappy now so it's not like things could get much worse right? I totally get that you have to do it when you are ready or it won't help a thing. As far as distractions.....well work takes up 40 hours of my week but I wouldn't recommend it!!

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