2:30am...

...And I can't sleep. The last couple of days have been just plain bad, there's no dancing around it. Right now I'm laying on the couch while J is sleeping in the bedroom. I chose to sleep here tonight. I can tell he doesn't want me around, and I can't take it. I can't lay next to someone who despises me and doesn't even try to hide it. All I can do is go off by myself and give him what he wants.

I've been alone this whole time. We don't talk, we don't even sit in the same room anymore. He just wants to be left alone, at least by me. He wants to be around other people, just not me.

Despair sets in.

What can I do to change his mind? What do I have to offer that would convince him to stay? Nothing.

I pray and hope for a miracle. Maybe God will grant me grace.

Hope you're all much better than I am.

x