Goodbye Christmas

Sorry for the lack of updates, things have been up and down, all over the place.

Christmas is over. I'm not really sad because it didn't really seem like Christmas. I tried to enjoy it, but with all the arguing, and not getting out, and being constantly lonely...it didn't really work out the way I wanted.

I don't really have much to update about. Still purging. I'm going to try to restrict this next week.

Oh, and I seriously considered killing myself. About two weeks ago. I had it all planned, wrote notes and everything, but in the end I realized just how permanent it would be, and despite what others may think, Hell is far worse than any earthly pain. And quite frankly, suicide is probably the most selfish thing a person could do. They may not see it that way through their pain, but that's exactly what it is. Selfish. Granted, I don't have that many people in my life who love me or care...but one is enough.

Needless to say, things haven't really improved. I hate my brain. I'm broken. It can't be fixed. I'm going to go lay down now, I'll write more later. Alone, once more...even with J laying right next to me.

I love you all.

xoxo

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." -Matthew 11:28