8:34 am

So, thanks to someone's advice (thanks JJ!), I talked to J about everything. I think we both got a better understanding of how the other one feels. I just hope all the talking actually turns into action. I hope we don't fall back into the same place we've been recently.

After we finished talking about all of the issues we've been having, he started talking about my work. Right now I'm in the process of working out some demo recordings of songs that I've written to sell. J wants me to do that full time. I'm working with another songwriter that's been in the business for years, he's kind of "mentoring" me. He has full time contracts where he's agreed to write so many songs, and gets paid for them no matter what. It's actually a good income while still having the ability to have your songs used for different artists. I might end up doing something like that, rather than just shopping my songs around all the time. At least at first. It's kind of exciting and scary at the same time. I've been playing piano and writing since I was young, I've performed original songs before audiences, but I've never really entered into the "business" side of the music realm. But I'm not going to pass up the opportunities I have, I'd regret it for the rest of my life if I did.

Yesterday I restricted instead of binging and purging. I was proud of myself. I just needed to give my body a break. My heart was hurting all day, but it wasn't that bad, just little stings here and there. I'll probably end up having to go to the doctor, just to make sure things haven't become worse health-wise. I feel okay today emotionally and mentally, its the first time I have in a while. I'm watching Christmas shows, still trying to wake up while writing this. This weekend we're getting our Christmas tree, which makes me happy...I'm looking forward to the weekend decorating the house and relaxing after our move from last weekend.

I hope you're all well. Honestly, reading your blogs, I can say some of you are the sweetest girls I've ever had the privilege of knowing, even though I only "know" you by your blogs. This community has a lot of haters, but it's one of the most supportive and understanding communities there are.

xoxo