J and I will be moving again in a couple of weeks. Joy. I have moved 20 times in my lifetime. 20 times in 22 years. I think it's safe to say, I'm just a little bit sick of moving. Ahem.
I'm starting to let go of some of my control issues. I really had to, I didn't have a choice. It was either that, or lose J. I love him more than anything, I don't want to ruin everything because I'm insecure. So I've just stopped allowing myself to indulge in destructive thinking. Suspicion, paranoia, anxiety....all of it had to stop. Not only for J's happiness, but for my sanity.
I've been doing well in restricting because we have no food in the house, and quite frankly, I like it that way. I've lost another two pounds after going up and down five pounds in the last few months. If I could just lose a few more pounds I know that I'd be happier. I know everyone says that, and yet it never happens...but I have to believe that it's true. If not, then it makes everything I've done worthless.
J drinks every night when he gets home from work. It's either because I've driven him that crazy, or he's just always done that. And he has. Since the beginning of our relationship, he's always usually had a drink or two at the end of the day. He never gets "drunk", and he usually doesn't drink on the weekends...but still, I don't know what to make of it. I guess as long as he doesn't become an alcoholic, then I should just leave it alone. When things get better and he actually wants to spend time with me again, things will change. They always do.
I hope you're all far better off than I am. I really do.
xoxo
I've moved a ton too over the last few years, I feel for you.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't worry too much about the drinking. I am a big fan of needing a drink or a joint or two to wind down after a long day at work. It helps the transition. If its like you say it is and he isn't getting wasted every night and his drinking isn't affecting his performance at work the next day then its probably fine. Its not the healthiest way to manage your stress, but severe restriction isn't the healthiest way to lose weight either, so I'm not in the position to judge, lol.
I wouldn't take it personally though. I know when I do it, its because I don't want to take out the stress of work on the people around me at home, so if I can have an hour of me time, then I wind down and can have a good time. Its more because I care about the people I'm around then because they drive me crazy...