The downward spiral of failing health. The last 3 days have been a nightmare. The pain in my heart and stomach has been nearly unbearable. My mother is an RN, and when I told her my symptoms and what was going on after the first night of being up for hours throughout the night, she confronted me about my recent streak of purging. I've been doing it...alot. Even when I restrict. I've just gotten into the habit of doing it. Or was. I stopped a couple of weeks ago and got back to just restricting. Unfortunately, it has taken its toll. My mom went through this long list of possible problems that might be causing my pain...all of them serious...all of them due to purging and restricting. She went on to tell me the probable permanent effects this will have on my health. I very well may be dealing with excruciating pain on and off for the rest of my life. It has been a nightmare, and one that isn't going away. The second day, I couldn't even get out of bed. All day. Luckily, my mom has given me some medicine to help with the pain for now. I might get roped into going to the doctor. If that happens, I'll get a lecture-and-a-half about how horrible that behavior is, and how I might ought to consider seeing someone about it (which my mother has already suggested), etc... /facepalm
I'm trying not to think about it all really. That way I don't have to worry about it. But that doesn't make it go away.
Being thin...is it really worth its weight in "gold"? This is exactly why no person with a real eating disorder would EVER try to "teach" others how to do it. Not that you could anyway. It goes far deeper than just not eating for a while.
xoxo
No comments:
Post a Comment