Monday, December 19, 2011

Me, I'm a creator...


...thrill is to make it up.

I've done assessments with two different residential eating disorder clinics. Went today and had blood drawn for labs, an EKG, and vitals. I could be admitted as early as the end of the week according to my doctor. But I'm pretty sure I'm going to be waiting until the first of the year at least. I want to spend Christmas with my family.

So I guess I'm really doing this. I'm scared. And anxious. And I feel like I'm not "sick" enough to be going. I told my therapist that, and she said that's what everyone says, and that she, and my nutritionist, wouldn't have recommended it if I didn't need it.

I don't know. I'm nervous. And tired.

I slept with J again. I don't know why. I just wanted to get laid I guess. This time was different though. He kissed me. A lot. I don't like that. It brings up too many feelings, it's too personal. I just feel dead inside.

x

3 comments:

  1. I wish you the best of luck, my dear.
    You are always in my thoughts.
    Hang in there.
    *hugs*
    Stay positive, stay beautiful. <3

    ReplyDelete
  2. So glad you are getting the help you need. You are sick enough. You do need this and it will be good for you. Enjoy the holidays with your family then focus on healing yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Enjoy your Christmas and let those people help you.
    You deserve it .

    ReplyDelete