Icarus.

Tomorrow my therapist and dietitian meet with my mother. I'm kind of nervous. I'm afraid my Mom will react negatively...because she won't want to accept or believe the truth of what's been going on. But I hope she does accept it. I hope it changes her ideas and opinions about my ED for the better. Maybe she might grasp just a tiny bit of understanding that she didn't have before. That's all I want.

J and I talked tonight. He randomly started talking to me, like nothing happened. I guess that's the game we're playing now. I don't want to care anymore. I just want to be over it all... J, my ED, all the bad things that live inside me, the constant conflicting voices of love and hate. I want to curl up in the corner, my hands covering my ears with my eyes closed, until it all goes away. I want to reopen my eyes to an emptiness, a blank canvas. Nothing, but the possibility of everything.

And then, watch me go.

Higher. Higher.

This vomit will turn to gold.

x