Sinking

I'm literally dying to be loved. Every bite of food I eat, every time I stick my fingers down my throat...it's a scream. As loudly as I can muster, I'm screaming. For love, for help, for someone to love me because who I am, who I've always been, is enough. Good enough. And I'm screaming because of pain. A pain that never seems to go away. An ache that never dulls. Any relief I find is only temporary. I'm pleading, in my own way, with people. Begging them to see something in me that is enough for them. But every time, it ends the same way. I am thrown away. I'm told time and time again that there's nothing about me that will ever be enough for anyone. And it's devastating. Even more so with each passing moment, each encounter piling up.

I can feel myself giving up. It's a slow process, but I'm fully aware of what's happening. I wake up every morning and try desperately to hold on to life, to pull myself out of the rough waters of doubt and despair...but it seems like everyday I just let go a little more.

I'm sinking.

Where is the hand to pull me up? Where is my life line? Nowhere in sight. I can't see them from here. All I know is the water is rising, and I'm sinking. Soon I will be drowned out completely.

Help.