22

Today is my 22nd Birthday.

No cake for me :)

I'll post thinspo a little later.

xoxo

Good Morning Lovelies

I've been awake all night. Today will be a good day, because I have already decided that it WILL be. No matter what. I need a good day.

And by the way, when I say you're all lovely, I truly mean it.

<3

xoxo

Normal

Well, for the past couple of days things have slowly been getting better, but only when I force myself not to think about things. And it's so hard. It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do- actually control my thoughts. It's a constant fight, and it's hard to find any peace in the midst of it. But then again, it's really not about me. I'm not the reason I'm fighting it so hard, I'm doing it for J. For his well-being and sanity. I just want him to be happy more than anything. I want him to enjoy being with me, instead of constantly being bombarded with my problems.

I wish I could just be normal.

Thinspo for you:

xoxo

Zero

I've been cutting myself. I tore my arm to pieces last night. It hurts like hell. I don't know why I do it. I have no explanation, and no excuse.

I've stopped eating completely. I've stopped sleeping as well. I'm dehydrated because I don't drink enough. Maybe I'm trying to make myself sick. Or maybe I just really don't care anymore. I don't know. Maybe I'm just bipolar and tomorrow I'll feel completely different.

All I know is that my mind keeps me running in circles constantly, and it's relentless and exhausting. I need a break from my head. Unfortunately, I can't just take a vacation from it...unless I get drunk or something, and I don't like to do that because of the calories in the drinks. I guess I could just not eat, since I'm doing that anyway, and save my calories for alcohol. I just need a break. Just for one night. I need to not think about anything.

Thinspo: Gaga<3

xoxo

So...

Sorry I've been gone for a while, I've had a few things I had to deal with.

I feel pretty good lately. I feel dizzy and lightweight. It's like a constant drunk feeling. I love being hungry. It's seriously like my best friend right now. It makes me feel calm when I'm anxious, it makes me feel controlled when everything in my life is falling apart. It's the smallest bit of solace I have. Sometimes it feels like hunger is all I have.

My personal life seems to be going nowhere. J and I have had a rough couple of weeks. Alot of arguments, alot of stress, and alot of distance between us. I'm trying though...and I hope he is too.

I hope you're all well.

xoxo

So happy I could Die

Summer is getting closer. And I love it. Yesterday was hot, but breezy. I spent the whole day out with J, and it was great. I love the way the air smells when it starts to get warmer, the smell of life is starting to return. I'm not much for the beach or anything like that, but I love being outdoors. I'm ready for it, it's been cold and dreary here for so long. Plus I'm tired of slipping and falling on my ass every time I walk out the door because of ice.

So for some reason I've been craving oranges like a crazy person. We bought some yesterday, and it's all I can do to keep from devouring all of them. It's strange, but oranges are pretty much all I've been eating. I'll eat 2 or 3 medium sized oranges (around 80 cals an orange, but I count them as 100) a day usually. I don't feel so bad about it though, I read somewhere that oranges help prevent cancer. Other than that, I've been quite successful at keeping food off of my mind.

I figured today I'd post some of the original "pro-ana" thinspo from way back in the day :P

Enjoy:

xoxo