Randomness.

I was prescribed Seroquel because apparently I'm "mildly bi-polar". I've only taken it twice. I don't like being so tired that I can't function a

nd it's literally painful for me to be awake. That's what those kind of medicines do to me unfortunately. They started me out on the lowest dosage, but I'm only going to take half of one when I decide to take them.

I haven't been sleeping well at all. I don't know what's going on with that.

I'm going to try to become the person I want to be. Appearance, personality, everything. I will be what I want. I will be okay. I'll prove everyone wrong. I'll make them regret what they've thought and said about me. I don't think I'm ready to give up Mia just yet...but I'll continue to go to therapy for the other issues I have. I can certainly learn some other ways to cope with my circumstances.

I don't really have any other updates. Life is pretty boring right now. Hope you're all well.

x

Updated.

So I went to the ED clinic. They weighed me, but wouldn't let me see the numbers. After talking with the doctor for about an hour, he basically reinforced the Bulimia diagnosis. He said it seems pretty severe given the amount of purging I do daily and because I sometimes use laxies as well. He drew blood because he wanted to check my electrolytes and potassium levels. He laid out a couple of treatment options, but I just decided to do regular outpatient, which involves see a dietitian and therapist once a week, and seeing the psychiatrist every couple of weeks. We'll see how this goes. I felt really comfortable there, though. I think they might just be able to help...

x

Btw- this made me giggle:

9/3/11

I know it's been forever since I updated my blog, but I haven't made much progress and I felt like maybe it was a waste of time to keep writing about how I can't move forward with my life because I'm so pathetic.

I'm there. In that place. It still hurts just as much as it did 2 months ago. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to deal with what I'm feeling in a way that will help me move on. I can barely stand to be awake and alive every single day.

I couldn't do my collage for my therapist. I tried...but I just couldn't do it. She said she could tell I'm depressed and she thinks I need to go see my psychiatrist to have my meds regulated. Yeah...because that will fix everything apparently.

I have an "assessment appointment" with an eating disorder clinic on the 12th. Physical and psychological testing for like 2 hours, and then we work out a "treatment plan". I don't know that I'm ready to recover, though. I just want help with my emotions...the binging and purging...I don't know if I'm ready to give it up. It's really the only outlet I have right now. I'm afraid of what might happen without it.

I hope you're all well, let me know.

x