I don't know if I'm ready to recover. I think therapy and medical attention will help me either way, so I'm going to continue to go to the Eating Disorder Clinic I've been going to, but overall, I don't know if I'm ready. I continue to purge multiple times a day, I've lost another 2.5 pounds, and I'm continually attracted to ED thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Maybe I just need a little more time to really get there.
I've started keeping a very detailed food journal again like I used to. I've started weighing myself everyday again, and I'm starting some of my more rigid habits again. It helps me control my fear of my unknown future, it helps me have control in general. I need that right now. I have good days and bad days, but I'm afraid they would all be bad days if it weren't for the small bit of control I have now with my ED.
Anyway, I'm thinking about doing one of the more popular diets among our ED community. My throat needs a break from all of the purging. I just hope I can control the urge to binge. I haven't picked one yet, any suggestions?
Stay strong lovelies.
x
It's not healthy either way (and we both know that you and I don't care about that) but I agree that you should give your throat a rest for a while and try something else. My uncle's doing this diet/lifestyle called the 8 Week Challenge.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.8weekchallenge.com
He's been doing it for a while and I'm trying to do it too. Mind you it is a very slow way to lose but you're not allowed to eat any kind of added sugar on this diet so once you do get off of it any kind of sweet will be too overwhelming to binge on.
When I first started starving myself I completely banned sugar. Then one day my mom brought home some fudge and I had a small piece that was so ridiculously sweet that I had to spit it out.
I don't know how the hell I ended up eating sugar again 'cause now I binge almost all the time.
Anyway, good luck with the ed clinic whichever way you choose and always hope for the better :)