10/30/2011

Things have been all over the place lately, but I think I'm finally starting to get back on my feet. Things with J have been rough, but I'm finally starting to let go and realize that what I thought he was, isn't reality. I was miserable with him, he didn't love me, and I want to be happy. I'm still hesitant in admitting that, but I have to move on.

Moved this weekend to a different house. I've been sore and sweaty all weekend, it's gross. But hey, at least it has been a good workout. I've still been purging, but I'm trying to restrict more because I hate going to the bathroom every time I eat. I'd rather just try to control myself and not worry about it.

I'm sorry it's been so long since I've posted anything. I was really hopeless there for a while. I'm ready to be okay, and be happy. We'll see how it all works out.

Hope you're all well.

x

Friends,

Things are not getting better. I don't know what to do. The bulimia, the cutting, the emotional pain...it's a wave that washes over me every single day, the very moment I wake up. I feel absolutely tortured. I dream about J, and I don't want to. I constantly think about him, and I don't want to. I'm exhausted all around. I feel completely hopeless. I feel like I've dug my own grave, and there's no getting out.

I wish I were strong enough to help myself.

Everything I loved is gone.

x