It's been a long week...

I'm struggling. I'm bingeing and purging, or sometimes just purging, about twice a day, sometimes more. I'm tired, and starting to get those old chest and stomach pains that I used to have.

Today in particular was pretty rough. It started off as a pretty bad body image day to begin with, then I got some bad financial news while I was at work, so I got pretty stressed (and still am), and when I got home, I decided to work on my handstands in yoga. That DID NOT go as planned. I ended up in a ball on the floor crying about how my body won't balance in inversions because I'm too fat.

And then I purged dinner.

Tomorrow I'm taking a half day at work. I have some errands to run, and I'm seeing my therapist around noon. Maybe shaking up my "routine" a bit will help with the urges.

I'm counting down the days until I move out. I'm so excited about having my privacy back and my own space.

X

Back.

Hey everyone, I'm back. Officially. Some things have changed. First of all, I'm having a bit of a relapse. I've been bingeing and purging for the last couple of weeks multiple times a day again. I recently got a new job, a real job, 40 hours a week, 8-5 Monday through Friday....and I love it! The only bad thing about it, is the freedom it gives me. I get an hour for lunch, which I spend bingeing and purging, and the money I make is awesome, but I spend a lot of it on binge food. I finally got my own car too. And literally just found a place of my own this weekend. I'm excited about those things, but I'm also worried about spiraling downward. My therapist talked to me a bit about how our natural reaction to ANY emotion, is our eating disorder....even good things, happy things. I'm finding this to be completely true. My experience in treatment hasn't been the greatest either. Inpatient was....fine, I guess. Good, you could say. The residential facility I've been at for the last year....not so much. I've had absolutely NO privacy, the girls I've been in treatment with are just....well, I probably shouldn't say much about that right now....but it's been difficult, to say the least. I'll be moving into my own place on my 25th birthday, April 30th. I CANNOT wait. Anyway, let me know how you've all been doing! I'll be updating regularly. X